You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
