I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
