I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
