Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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