I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize