Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
