This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
