Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
