okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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