great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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