Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
