It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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