I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
