I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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