New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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