i don't like sucking hair
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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