yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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