Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
