woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
