remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
