you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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