if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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