Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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