I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize