Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
