I want to make a zoo with you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
