I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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