I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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