The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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