ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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