All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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