HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
