Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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