I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
