i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
