Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
