Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
