I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
