He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is the high leading the old right now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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