Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
