remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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