At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
