i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
