Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
