We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
