Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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