and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
