he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize