Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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