If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
