sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
