I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I didn't notice because vodka
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
