There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
