Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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