She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
