she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
