Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
