Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
