Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
