My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
