She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
