I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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