I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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