two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
