its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
