i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
